나도 18년 인생을 살다보니까, 이것 저것 느끼고, 마음으로 느낀것도 많았어. 일단, 친구. 정말 인생에서 중요 한게 친구고 사람과의 관계라고 생각하는 사람이니까, 그많큼 주위사람 챙기는게 중요했구. 하지만, 나중에는 보니까, 내가 생각하는 것 같이 친구를 생각하는게 아니라, 자기 자신을, 아니, 자기 자신만 챙기는 내 친구들을 보고, 깊이 막심한 후회가 몰려오더라. “아 이건뭐지? 이건 내가 생각하는 관계랑 다른건데, 나는 이만큼 잘해주는데, 왜 얘는 내가 expect 한거만큼 나를 위해주지 않는거지?” 나도 어렸을때, 9학년? 10학년? 그때는 정말 친구가 다였고, popularity, being around people, 그게 다였어. 친구들이 놀때, 어디어디 다 끼는 나였고. 하지만 정말 나도, 친구들과의 문제, 그런 힘든 마음고생, 다 격고 나니까, 깨닫는게 있더라. What’s important in friendship is not a quantity but a quality. 정말 생각해 보니까, 그 많고 많은 친구들 중에서 내 맘을 다 보여줄수 있고, 내 뒷 사정을 말해 줄수 있는 그런 친구는 얼마 없더라고. 그런 깨달음이 있고 나서는, 그 사람들 정말 엄청 챙겨주려고 하고. 그니까, 우물은 얼마나 많이 파느냐가 아니라, 얼만큼 깊게 파느냐가 중요 한거 같아. Really, friendship with good amount of quality will last forever but with quantity, it will get nowhere. 그리고 또 느낀건데, 사람은 커갈수록 외로울수 밖에 없다고 생각해. 커갈수록, 혼자 떠 안아야 할 문제들 너무 많이 생기니까. 나도 외로움 느껴봐서 알고, 그런 힘든 과정 열심히 끙끙 앓고서야 얻어낸 답이니까, 그만큼 현재를 accept 하기 힘든 것도 알고, 얼마나 더 힘들어질건지 알아. 특히 사람들 관계를 많이 중요시 여기는 만큼. 그지만 잘 겪어 나갈수 있을거라고 생각해, 나한텐 이것도 커가는 과정이였으니까:) 화이팅!
“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, & it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, & tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as making a ‘life.’ I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out & touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”—Maya Angelou (via timirose)
God told me, that I should learn to love others and serve others. He told me that living for yourself is a selfish thing and its wrong. But really, I am getting tired and sick of it. I hate seeing people change. I hate seeing friendships change. People seem like they live for themselves, for their own good, and yet I want to do anything for people whom I love. I guess that’s why I expect those feelings back from those people. When I do such a thing, they feel happy but when its my turn, they seem to turn their back away. I want to question them, why are you being so selfish? I just feel like what I do for them is useless and maybe I shouldn’t try so hard. Maybe I should live for myself. But once again, you tell me that its wrong God. This is so hard Dad.
25. Therefore i tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26.Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27. Can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 28. And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30. It that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you-you of little faith?
31. So do not worry, saying, “what shall we eat?” or “What shall we drink?” or “what shall we wear?” 32. For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.